Provo, Utah- Consulting detective Sherlock Holmes assisted in the apprehension of a brazen honor code violator, BYU police report.
"We are relieved to have this villain off the streets," police chief Fredette remarked.
"It was an elementary deduction, hardly worth celebrating in the newspaper," quipped the morose Holmes, almost taking a puff on his pipe, but refraining when the BYU police chief gave him dirty looks. "One glance at the student's scrap paper told me everything I needed to know about his criminal activities."
He relates, "I stumbled on the cheater's paper while walking out of BYU's testing center.
"The paper was hardly used, with a lack of wrinkles or sweat marks or eraser flakes. This revealed a student whose mind did not need to be racked; he was not nervous, but confident.
"This would suggest a student who was apathetic, gifted, or a cheater. His perfect score rules out the first possibility. His negligence to obey the large sign stating, 'leave scrap paper here' rules out the second possibility. That left only the third possibility, cheating.
"The lead he used is in style among freshmen. Therefore he must live on campus. The strands of facial hair and a dried Mountain Dew stain indicate a caffeine addict and a deliberate non-shaver. He would stand out like a sore thumb at the Canon Center cafeteria, because he is not smart enough to disguise himself, eliminate his steps, or cook on his own."
At lunch time yesterday, Holmes took the police straight to the suspect. The 12 oz can of Mountain Dew in his possession was confiscated and filed with the evidence. He was forcibly given an old-fashioned barbershop shave, and was on beard watch and banned from all soda machines and, most importantly, was failed in the course he cheated in.
The BYU Honor Code Police Chief asked Holmes to refrain from smoking his pipe on campus. Holmes promptly quit smoking it, but continued to bite on it. The chief was not amused, but could do nothing.
Holmes is a violin performance major, with no career plans, although he admits he may make a modest living by charging for the use of his unique skills.
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